YESTERDAY WE BEGAN A DAUNTING TASK: satirically assembling a cabinet for a (God forbid) second Trump administration. One challenge is finding those with any appropriate qualifications who are still loyal (i.e., sucking-up) to a Queens mobster felon. Or does this overstate the satire?
Department of Commerce. Here’s an old-timer as a shoo-in: Trump’s previous choice for Commerce, Wilbur Ross, about whom Forbes wrote in April 21, 2021, “Sly As a Fox : How Wilbur Ross Slipped Out of Scandal and Back into Business.”
Wilbur Louis Ross Jr. Image by Gage Skidmore via Wikipedia.
Thrice-married (a theme here?), Ross is also renowned as “The King of Bankruptcy.” And he’s as old as trees: 86.
Department of Defense. Dare we fall behind in the Secret Jewish Space Laser Race? Who else for Department of Defense but Marjorie Taylor Greene?
Marjorie Taylor Greene. Image by Carolyn Kaster/AP.
In proper Trumpian fashion, MTG has even doubled down on it all. Besides, wouldn’t it be lively having a Bleach-Blonde Bad-Built Bitch-Body on the cabinet?
By the way, the new book At War with Ourselves: My Tour of Duty in the Trump White House from Lt. General H.P. McMaster clearly puts him out of contention. CNN reports August 25, 2024, “In his blistering, insightful account of his time in the Trump White House, McMaster describes meetings in the Oval Office as ‘exercises in competitive sycophancy’ during which Trump’s advisers would flatter the president by saying stuff like, ‘Your instincts are always right’ or, ‘No one has ever been treated so badly by the press.’ Meanwhile, Trump would say ‘outlandish’ things like, ‘Why don’t we just bomb the drugs?’ in Mexico or, ‘Why don’t we take out the whole North Korean Army during one of their parades?’ “
On a most non-satirical note, Project 2025 takes on even more sinister significance: What mayhem might occur without some adults in the room?
Department of Education. This is a toughie, given that Trump won’t have anyone around smarter than his own “genius.” Is DeVos still talking to him? Has DeSantis banned enough books yet?
Department of Energy. Seriously now, what with SpaceX, Tesla, Hyperloop, the Boring Company, SolarCity, and the Blastar video game, Elon Musk is a natural for the Department of Energy. (Ha, this may be the first time the words Elon Musk and natural have ever appeared in the same sentence.)
As The Guardian, August 21, 2024, notes, “The two are, after all, cut from remarkably similar cloth—each demands attention the way a flame demands oxygen.”
On the other hand, see above about “smarter than….”
Department of Homeland Security. This is a long shot, but why not pick an immigrant? Are Melania and Donald still talking, or did her wish to speak at the DNC put paid to this?
Department of Transportation. Soon to be free of corporate concerns, ex-Boeing CEO Dave Calhoun would seem to have an open door to this appointment. [Ed: Please reword.]
Press Secretary. There’s a choice for this last one, either of Fox News’ Bret Baier or Martha MacCallum. It’s based on Trump’s rambling interview, as reported by James Liddell in The Independent, August 23, 2024: “Fox News Hosts struggled to get a rattled Donald Trump off the line as he went on a right-wing media blitz hitting out at Kamala Harris following her Democratic National Convention speech on Thursday night.”
“In the call with Fox News,” Liddell reports, “hosts Martha MacCallum and Bret Baier flailed as they tried and failed to keep control of the interview—and then couldn’t get the former president to end the call.”
Finally, Baier and MacCullen ended the interview abruptly with “thank you very much.”
Something that someone might have done at the bottom of that Trump Tower escalator back in 2015. ds
© Dennis Simanaitis, SimanaitisSays.com, 2024