SO IT’S THE EARLY 1930S AND I’M WORKING ON THIS HOLLYWOOD SCREENPLAY. Geez, gimme a break. It’s better than standing in a bread line, and as it’s Pre-Code I don’t have to worry about a happy ending or seeing the inside of a woman’s thigh. Tentative titles include Your Absolutely Corrupting Power, Short-Fingered Vulgarian, or, my fav, The Most Happy Felon. Here are tidbits gleaned from the screenplay so far.
In this 1931 publicity photo, Dorothy Mackaill plays a secretary-turned-prostitute in Safe in Hell, a pre-Code Warner Bros. film. Image from Wikipedia.
An Immigrant Backstory. Our main character—let’s call him Citizen Bane (not confused with any other Banes)—comes from a tough Queens neighborhood where his old man is a slum lord coddling his tenement dwellers by freeing them of neighbors who are “colored.” In one scene, the family entertains itself with tales of Opa evading the Bavarian draft by emigrating to the U.S. and making a fortune providing companionship-by-the-hour for Klondike prospectors. (Flashback here??)
Image from Skagway Alaska Tours.
In another telling vignette, Bane’s father (whose middle name is Christ) is accused of WWI profiteering. Young Bane recalls during the Depression never having sold apples that haven’t “fallen far from the tree.”
Bane Limp-Stepping WPA. In another scene of pathos, young Bane learns from his doctor that an ankle condition will preclude his joining others in projects of the Work Progress Administration. The doctor henceforth retires to Florida.
Image from Works Progress Administration.
Alas, this also prevents Bane from tap-dancing in the screenplay’s Busby Berkeley skits. A pity, because his bouffant would have looked really spiffy in the overheads, even before Technicolor.
Image from Outspoken & Freckled.
The Hotel was Grand. Following in his father’s real-estate footsteps, albeit hampered by that bum ankle, Bane calculates there are more rich occupants in fancy hotels than in seedy tenements (he’s a very stable genius). Plus, the hotel being fancy will handle the “colored” issue.
Poster from the real Grand Hotel, 1932.
Bane stiffs immigrant workers who are spiffing up the hotel, and—here’s a Pre-Code sex angle—he beds this hot ballerina who’s staying there. Or is she more along the lines of Opa’s employees back in the Yukon. (Another flashback sequence??)
Is Sex-for-Hire Deductible? Bane gets in trouble for declaring a business expense of the er… ballerina fee. His lawyers concede that, indeed, he certainly gave her and those immigrant workers the business. Despite this, there’s a stirring courtroom scene where Bane amasses 34 felonies on the matter.
Research task: Does this break Al Capone’s record? Yes, by 12 counts.
Poster for The Public Enemy, 1931. Image from “My Favorite Pre-Code Films.”
Is Sex in a Fitting Room Legal? Bane’s next attempt at falling in love with someone not born elsewhere nor involved in wrestling (possible pre- and sequels??) occurs in a big city department store. He’s found only partly guilty of this one. Another research task: When was Teflon invented?
Aha: 1938. It seems to depend on my flick’s release date whether I can title it The Teflon Don.
Opps: This one’s already taken.
I never realized that screenwriting required so much research. Kudos to those involved.
Bane’s Uncle’s Smarts. Have I told you about Bane’s uncle who’s an astrospherical ophthalmologist at somewhere or other? There’s a scene where he teaches his nephew how to view a solar eclipse.
An Ego, Even to Dishonoring the Dead. Here’s another vignette, strong with its dramatic lighting: Other people in the flick mourn the passing of a personage known for humane achievements. Bane has his estate’s flag flaunted at full height.
Full disclosure: This image by Darlene Superville, Associated Press, is actually of another location yet to be selected as my filming site.
Short-Fingered Vulgarian. In January 10, 1931, Mourdant Hall described “… a figure out of Greek epic tragedy, a cold, ignorant, merciless killer, driven on and on by an insatiable lust for power, the plaything of a force that is greater than himself.” This, I stress, is not about Bane, but rather from Hall’s review of Edward G. Robinson’s handling of Little Caesar, 1931.
Speaking of merciless, I note my screenplay has another vignette where Bane proffers a verbal short-fingered middle digit to a lady bishop.
Dispensing—and Withholding—Protection. The Protection Racket is as old as Al Capone. Bane perfects it by demanding utter fealty—or else.
Gee, my screenplay is sounding like The Godfather crossed with Charlie Chaplin’s The Great Dictator.
The End. All along, I’ve been thinking Pre-Code; i.e., before ethical values were obligatory. But this time it seems the ending is up to us. Let’s hope it’s not too late. ds
© Dennis Simanaitis, SimanaitisSays.com, 2025