SEASONS’ GREETINGS TO YOU ALL. Let’s close off this at-best mixed year with laughs gleaned from a variety of Internet sleuthing and my fondness for SiriusXM “Radio Classics.”
A Bunch of Dad/Grandpa Christmas Jokes. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing—it’s on the house.
What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What do you call an old snowman? Water.
A snowman says to an aggressive carrot, “Get out of my face.”
I’m reminded of that great scene in A Christmas Story when the teacher retrieves a carrot from the Principal snowman.
What’s Santa’s favorite pizza? Deep-pan crisp and even.
What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson.
My Favorite Jack Benny Christmas Joke. He’s shopping for a watch and the clerk says, “Here’ a nice clock for $8.50 marked down from $2395.” Jack asks why the huge markdown. The clerk responds, “We take off the Buick.”
Previous Christmas Celebrations Here at SimanaitisSays. “Did Shakespeare Celebrate Christmas?” The Bard made only three references to Christmas in his plays: Twice in Love’s Labour’s Lost, once in Taming of the Shrew.
William Shakespeare, 1564–1616.
But he and other Elizabethans took the holiday seriously with Advent leading to Christmas Day through Twelfth Night, the evening of January 5, which celebrates the visitation of the Magi.
A Festival of Nine Lessons & Carols. This festival at King’s College Chapel commenced at Cambridge in 1918; its BBC broadcasts began in 1928.
A Festival of Nine Lessons and Carols, Choir of King’s College, Cambridge, Stephen Cleobury, director of music; Benjamin Bayl, organ scholar, EMI Classics, 1999.
For those with access to BBC World Service, the Festival is broadcast live 55 minutes after SimanaitisSays is posted 6:05 a.m. Pacific, Christmas Eve.
R&T’s 1993 Christmas Roadster. SimanaitisSays wrote Christmas Eve, 2022, “Here’s what we put together at R&T for December 1993.”
Yet Other Dad’s Jokes. “Who accompanied St. Nicholas down the chimney?” we asked back then. “No, not the reindeer; they pranced and pawed away up on the roof. Indeed, it was a jerk.” But wait, there’s more: Who else accompanied Santa?
The jerk’s participation is long-known: Read the line beginning “And fill’d all the stockings.” And give Clement Moore some slack about mid-1800s spelling. For the second accomplice, read the line beginning, “Down the chimney” and you’ll see a bound was with him as well.
My Happy Holiday Hiatus. SimanaitisSays takes a holiday break from now until New Year’s Eve. Have a break yourself too, and thanks sincerely for your readership. ds
© Dennis Simanaitis, SimanaitisSays.com, 2024